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December 03, 2017
現在是深夜1點30分,小小惡魔又在偷襲著我的腦袋。
畢業至今已經4個月有餘,我也陷入了前所未有的低潮期。
我失去對一切事物的渴望,放任自己發胖,發嬾,發脾氣。
時間很多,綽綽有餘我卻在放肆揮霍。我都在自我安慰,時間還多得很。
工作了3個月,除了不斷發現自己有多不足,有多無能以外,毫無收穫。
現在工作的地方和我相像中不太一樣,但也是預料中的事。我的無能,無力,造就了我的畏畏縮縮。我面對難題的逃避,我拒絕成長的抗拒,每一份每一秒都在心裏上演無數場劇。

也許,我很幸運,才初入社會不算太凶險,安穩過日,上班下班,準時發薪。
下班后又是繼續發懶,無所事事。給自己找各種藉口不做任何工作以外的事。對,什麽都不做就是發懶,睡覺時間到上床閉眼睛。我比機械人更無趣吧。
這是社會新鮮人該有的樣子嗎?我以爲我是想象中每天穿得光鮮亮麗,自信光彩地踏出家門,晚上應該會是一種已使盡全力拖著疲憊卻收穫滿滿的身子回家。事實卻是相反。
我再也無力去整理自己的外貌,頭髮一扎,衣服亂套就出門。天啊,我以前就算熬夜再去上課也會擦個口紅吧??

好討厭現在的自己,懦弱怕事。想做的很多,卻一拖再拖,根本沒有認真去實踐。從前衝勁十足的自己呢?他走了?還是躲起來了?很不服氣,卻也無奈。我連學韓語都提不起勁,到底怎麽了?這個夜晚好難熬,好難過。看似漫長可好不容易睡下又要醒來面對主宰著現今所有的負面情緒。
這是你該有的樣子嗎??也許是不是該勇敢跨出那一步?生活也許不能太舒適,你會忘了當初讓你拼命的初衷。


載浮載沉的小小船

September 24, 2017
距離上一個post也有一段時間了,我也不知不覺韓文讀了快一年。
上了四個學期的課,最後一堂也在昨天圓滿完成了。
哦對了,我也忘了聊聊我的近況。(雖然感覺大家不太想知道 *擦淚*)
因爲工作的緣故我目前會定居在家鄉啦啦啦 (就是留在家繼續當蛀米蟲的意思)
很順利也很幸運地找到了工作 (eh 説好的放縱半年頹廢過日呢?*攤手*)沒辦法啊就,老爸老媽都希望我快點滾出去 ~~~ (開玩笑啦,哪裏可能)
目前任職于architecture firm做著本行。還不錯啦一切,輕松了許多沒有太大的壓力了。

至於韓文呢,回來的時候思前顧后了很多也因爲金錢上的考量差點就要換回去自學了。可想想多可惜啊,我好不容易進步了很多的說。
結果在某人的金錢上資助下,我還是順利地多上了一個學期,還報考了10月的TOPIK Exam。
現在還有一個月左右的時間來做準備,希望能夠全力以赴啊。(因爲我沒錢重考啊 *哭*)

你説我這小小的夢想怎麽就能說放棄就放棄,也許真的微不足道,可也是我努力下去的動力。果然夢想不便宜啊,真的不能讓自己變窮。

上課的9個月來,你問我到底學了什麽?我看我們要聊個幾天才行。我學到的何止是課業上的進步,心得和想法上的轉變才是這一年最大的收穫。我不再糾結讀不讀語言這件事了,衹要可以天天做著喜歡的,就算衹是個陪襯的副業我也終究相信自己的能力。不需要什麽證明去告訴自己到底值不值得。在最忙的architecture最後一個學期我也兼顧到了繼續上我的韓文課,還有什麽理由讓自己動上放棄的念頭?

也許這承載這我小小夢想的船現在游走得還是載浮載沉的,但總有一天它會穩定下來,漸漸地往岸邊駛去。加油!


August 06, 2017
我回來了~~~!終於可以在毫無顧慮壓力煩惱的狀態下好好整治一番這裏了,塵都鋪了厚厚一層了omg。

最後一個學期終於于上個星期圓滿結束,雖然后半段有點手足無措卻也有驚無險地度過了。然後也算順利地漸漸邁向人生的下一話,明天一早準備面試和談一些細節,一切ok的話應該下個月就完全是 all by myself。壓力三大不是開玩笑der okkkk (擦汗)

休息中的一個星期裏,我感受了4年來從未真正享受過的自在與快樂。我可以不用鬧鐘,不需要每天規劃著時間表,24小時處於不安和因多睡了一個小時而感到愧疚。
我可以很輕松地迎接每一個早晨,看看書,喝杯咖啡。累了就賴在床,無聊就開車出去吃吃喝喝。真的該好好珍惜!

我要去睡覺了 ~ bye bye

有在策劃著一些改變和把這空間轉型的事,祝我一切順利吧!大家一起為未來加油!
June 06, 2017
不要再將不喜歡, 沒興趣當成逃避 發懶的藉口. 因為除了你自己, 不會再有更了解你的. 
知道這絕對不是心中所願, 不要再逃了, 逃不掉 就去他的, 往前衝就對了!!!

First term Korean Class (Thoughts)

April 23, 2017
Hey guys! Just one or two months ago I have uploaded a post which I shared about my journey of self--learning Korean and how I did it. For the past 9 years doing self learning of course I have noticed lots of pros and cons of throughout the way and in the end after many considerations (money, dream, future, time) I have decided to enroll myself for my first official korean language class in January. I have just finished my first term last week and I'm here today to share more about my experiences after attending the first term.

To ease your pain of trying to korek (dig) out my answers and comments I will do as same as the QnA session like the previous post.

1. Is language classes expensive and worth paying for?
I would not say it's cheap but affordable, for my first term I paid RM450 (8 week) and they don't count public holidays in the 8 weeks so don't worry. So it is about RM225 per month, might be ok for those who have already started working as it is only a portion of your salary probably. But I decided to take it anyway despite always living "in debt".

Language classes are usually around that range la to be honest, it won't go any much lower if you really want some quality teaching and learning. And I would say mine is really worth paying for! It's really different from how I did with self-learning (I will elaborate on this later).

2. How did your first class go? What do you learn during the first lesson?
My first class was hmm not bad? I did my placement test before I attended the first lesson and obviously I screwed up the paper. My tutor kinda gave up checking it and just handed me the exercise sheets. I didn't know my grammar is even worse than I thought until I took the placement test. Korean grammar is not as easy as I thought (cries).

Basically on the first, he evaluated on my performance and see how much I can learn and absorb in a 2 hours class. He started with all the basic korean grammar, sentence ending for noun and adjectives (입니다 , 입니까 , 습니다 , 습니까 ), object and subject particles (은/는, 을/를, 이/가). On my first class I was still working on getting used to caring so much the grammar usage. Korean grammar is really particular in the way they express a certain meaning/feelings, it would a completely different thing with just a word different.

3. What do you think of the way of teaching and learning?
The way of teaching and learning is called DSS a commonly used method in KLH at which students learn the new language on directed self-study basis. You will be given help from your tutor on the exercises given based on your learning progress. Basically, to put it in a simpler way everyone in the class might be at different level and learning at different pace and tutor will guide you based on your learning speed, so if you are a fast learner you can definitely progress faster and need not to wait for the others in the class which is of course saving a lot of time.

In my opinion, I was very comfortable with this way of learning as I already had a certain basic and I wish to strengthen my grammar and also sentences forming. I can move on as soon as I'm done with exercises and tests given, also when I have already fully absorbed what have been taught. I find learning in a big class sometimes tend to waste your time, it is either you spend most of your time waiting for others to be at the same level in order to move on to the next thing or you are too afraid of being slow and not being as "one" with the others so you pretendddd that you already understood which is definitely not a good way of learning. No worries for me la I went through so much shits learning English last time, being muka tembok (thick skinned) is one of my greatest skills just so you know.

4. Do you still recommend self-learning? Or do you think proper class should be first option?
Well, if were to let me choose again I would still prefer to do some self-learning before going for proper structured lessons. It saved me way too much time as I can just focus and work on my grammar instead of spending too much time and money on basic things like getting to know how to read, write etc. But it really depends on one's ability, some people prefer to go step by step and to be guided by tutor. 10years ago I didn't have that ability to pay that much for extra classes and Korean tuition class in my place was way harder than kena toto (exaggerated abit). I remember there was only one place that taught Japanese, basic that kind somemore.

So yea, if you're financially constrained and wish to not spend too much on foreign language classes, self learning could be a good choice!

5. How are you progressing so far?
There is one thing I really love about KLH is their module, it's all structured and arranged accordingly so it makes it really easy from me to go from this to the next. If you get what I'm trying to say, they start from the most basic grammar usage you would probably see it everywhere, the more common ones and once you got all the basic in mind they moved on to the harder and more complicated parts. It is something very different from me learning using those korean guidance textbook where the syllabus can just jump here and there so sometimes you will encounter much complicated grammar even only in the first two chapters.

As for now, I'm progressing quite well I think? I usually get to complete at least 2 sheets of grammar exercise per session included past year Reading and Listening test paper too within the 2 hours class. I think cause I worked really hard so I don't find it an issue catching up with the pace. I'm actually having lots of fun learning too, it is some kind of self satisfaction when you accomplished something. Especially when I managed to finish my homework within half an hour or scored 100 for test kekeke
Yes, it's possible to score 100 and even 200 full marks for the TOPIK exam (beginner level) cause the questions basically surround simple grammar usage and those common vocabs used in songs or drama, hmm well that's if you watch drama frequently. Knowing vocab is another thing, and it is something you can't just rush outta it.

6. Will you continue with the next term?
I'm already on my 2nd term and two classes before it ends. I have also decided to continue with 3rd term despite the busy schedule I have now with my school assignment (final sem architecture). But I have this very strong will to keep me going so I think I will be fine? Trust me, it's not something that hard or dreadful to be done, as long as your interest in there you will just go with the flow and progress smoothly.

One more thing, language is something you need to keep practicing so if possible try not to give up half way if you already get yourself into it. It really takes awhile for you to pick up the pace again. It is better if you keep practicing and fork out a little time everyday to do some work/exercises, watching korean speakers videos help too! It helps me lot in improving listening skill, beginner might not be too familiar with the accent and pronunciation of native korean speakers so you would want to keep it a habit to get familiarized with them.

This is the channel I subscribed to on youtube and it is called "Talk to me in Korean"
https://www.youtube.com/user/talktomeinkorean
They have short videos or sound clips which they will have people speaking in Korean of normal conversations, daily life, activities and etc, which some topics are actually quite interesting!

7. What do I need to equip myself with before attending the class?
Patience and persistence, do not give up easily when you are having a hard time remembering vocabs, grammar or conversation. I'm not good in speaking as well but I'm trying to read out every sentences just so I can train myself to have the ability to pronounce in the right way. To be able to have a conversation, it does require a certain level of understanding in their sentences forming and grammar besides knowing enough vocabs. So be patient, you will get there someday if you work hard and keep trying!

8. Is TOPIK exam necessary?
This is up to individual's choice, some people learn Korean because they like it and they see it as a hobby or interest. Well some might wish to be qualified in something for job entries or for scholarship application. But it is really no harm if you don't like the trouble of taking exam. To be honest, the beginner TOPIK I exam is not that hard as you thought. As for myself, my wish is to achieve advanced level of TOPIK II and have the chance to pursue further studies in Korean in Korea, yea that's my aim so I'm preparing myself for the coming exam in Oct.

I think that's all I wish to share in this post, feel free to drop me a message at the comment box if you wish to know more about learning Korean. I will try my best to answer you!

Cheers xoxo

我的心情有點灰...

March 27, 2017
距離畢業的日子越接近, 我好像越顯得急躁.. 我被迫駛向一個未被開發的終點站, 也許根本還算不上個總結.
對於畢業後的日子, 我不安於室的小小心臟, 不受控制的大腦好像試圖把我分裂, 心中所想一直沒辦法和理智線達成共識. 你們要乖啊, 這麼的焦躁不安好嗎?

心是衝動, 不可一世的狂妄.. 可是沉穩的腦袋總是靜悄悄地 : "這樣好嗎? 這樣對嗎?"
也許真的沒辦法取決於對/錯, 我停留在一個虛擬不真實的空間, 一個想兩全其美的貪婪之心, 一個大家無法觸碰的灰色地帶.

我的底線何其深, 何其遠, 無法預料.
我自覺是流動體, 隨波漂流, 世界之大總有容我身之處.. 可是我對於這大染缸扮演的是甚麼角色? 我還是當初的我嗎? 是否該屈服於現實之下, 還是該拋下這繁瑣的枷鎖, 走向心中所願? 是否如想像中瀟灑自在, 是否拋得開塵世的流言蜚語? 我把自己問傻了, 把盡存的細數, 好像也真的不多了. 走吧, 你也是否和我一樣?

好好

February 07, 2017
想好好過日子
想好好賺錢花錢
想好好體驗生活
想好好築夢
想好好地..

想好好做人
想好好吃喝拉撒
想好好大哭大笑
想好好爆走
想好好耍任性
想好好撒嬌
想好好地..

要好好地, 好好的..

*我沒有心情低落, 反之對未來滿滿憧憬. 科科

Filling (Feeling) the Puzzles

So what do I yearn for and where do I search for? The missing piece...

Graduating in less than half a year seems more surreal than it already is, graduating with an architecture degree is more. Would I be walking the same path if I was given a second chance? I think the answer is a Yes. I would not have garnered so much courage if I was not braced with all these that came unexpectedly yet seemingly memorable.

Graduate also means I need to start looking for job, the path to becoming a design architect or project architect or no title at all leave me and my future in uncertainties. Future is never certain.. And having so many in my bucket list sorta bring me to suffocation, most of the time it is about money. I only have an architecture degree certification, what else can I do besides having myself in the similar field.
So much I wish to achieve and all of them involved money. Reality always slam you hard on the face, but I do believe in persistency and I will not give up easily no matter how long it takes.

Nothing comes easily, you go girl!

迟了十年的梦

January 25, 2017
現在的唯一目標, 就是把該完成的好好地華麗地結束,還有半年。

然後開始努力經營我的語文,語言也好,寫作也是,是幾十年來不變的習慣。已經習慣用文字來記錄生活事跡,早就是我的一部分。語文文學早就烙下深深的印,衹是情勢所逼衹好藏起來啦!期待未知的未來。

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